Apr 12, 2009

Jesus Came back As a Vampire?


He died for your sins, now he's back for your brains!

~ Noah on Zombie Jesus

Some theologians and religious scholars have argued that certain translations of the Gospel, as well as some parts of other translations, point to the possibility that Jesus came back not as a zombie, but as a vampire. If this is true, certain parts of the Gospel that seemed a bit odd could be easily explained. Such as the fact that Zombie(?) Jesus was not killed by a shovel in the head, as his head was not actually completely removed, and his apparent desire to have his followers drink his blood (something zombies have no taste for, as they can't chew it). This would also explain the inherent fear of crosses that all vampires seem to have.

The debate over whether Jesus came back as a zombie or a vampire caused yet another schism in the Christian Church, and forming two new Christian denominations: Zombie Christians and Vampire Christians. About half of the population of Vampire Christians claim that they converted because "Vampires are just so much more awesome than zombies". These people were insane, of course. Zombies are far superior.

In recent decades there has been a movement to reconcile the two factions by declaring that Jesus was both zombie and vampire. This can best be seen with the song "Days of Swine and Roses" by My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult which has as part of its chorus the words "Christian Zombie Vampires"

-From Unencyclopedia.com

Additional Reading "Zombie Jesus"

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2 comments:

Vestige said...

gosh, vamp or zomb.. a zombie's lousier.

At least a vamp's immportal. Zombs will die when they run out of something.

AndyViciousCycle said...

zomb rots.
vampire= cool

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